1-10

Some things that I need to remember:

My worth is not defined by my academic performance. 

I'm not a bad person.

Fruits and vegetables are not of the devil.

There's a boy out there who loves me even though I make stupid mistakes. 

My relationship with Heavenly Father is more important than my phone.

-hads

8-11

I just completed registration to go into my sophomore year. ???
Like, what the heck? I swear I was just barely in 5th grade. Or going into 7th. Where and how and when and why did this happen?
I tried finding all of my classes this morning, and I'm afraid I'm going to get horribly lost. There are too many halls and it's just a maze and I can't even find my way around when the halls are empty. What am I going to do when I'm surrounded by hundreds of people? Tall people, too, who tower over me and make me feel puny.
Ughh. I'm super excited and nervous at the same time. Have you ever had butterflies for simultaneous nerves and excitement? That's what I'm suffering from.
One week until high school begins.
Goshdangit.

-hads

8-6

I'm giving anxiety a large kick to the behind and it can get its sorry little butt on out of my life.

Happy last days of summer :)/:(

-hads

7-1

Welcome, July! Welcome, 100+ degree weather. Just kidding, this weather isn't welcome. Where's my rain??
I honestly don't know if anyone that I know reads this little blog thing. Hey guys, have fun stalking. You're cool.
Summer is great and all, but it's been 2 1/2 weeks since I've seen my best friend. We went from seeing each other 5, sometimes 6, days a week, to this? Sheesh. I don't like it. Between camps and online classes, living 20 minutes apart, her working as a lifeguard + swimming for hours and hours everyday, we haven't been able to see each other. And I miss her like heck.
She's not the only one who I haven't seen much! I got together with a couple of friends today to get ice cream and go to a summer seminary class, and this was the first time that I'd seen them since the week that school got out. I laughed more than I had laughed for the past 3 weeks. Inside jokes are a beautiful, wondrous thing, I have to say.
(Fromage? Fromage!
Fear the cheese aura!
I can't draw the light fixtures!)
I am surrounded by the coolest strange people.

-hads

6-19

I'm doing good.
How the heck did this happen? I was a huge mess a little while ago. I was shy and insecure and so lonely. Anxiety is still a big part of my mind, but I've kicked it out enough that it doesn't rule my life. I think. I completed jr. high having had a 4.0 GPA and CPA for all three years-- and I am so proud of myself. I received awards for English, French, and Art. And I am so proud of the work that I put into all of my classes. I'm done with jr. high! Done with the dreaded middle school years. But the thing is, these years were the best of my life. Ain't that funny? I think it's pretty darn humorous. And miraculous. I survived! I came out better than when I went in. Much, much better. And it makes me so happy.
It's summahtime. School's out, scream and shout. I'm hoping for this summer to be a good one. So far, it's more stressful that summers past. I'm taking two online classes (Health and Fitness for Life) and reading Julius Caesar for English next year. I've been working really hard so that I won't stress as much, but it's kind of consuming my life a bit. Whew. I've also taken up biking with my mom, which is really fun and good for me. I need to exercise more.
It's so darn HOT! It's about 93 degrees right now. Not much cooler in my house. I used to go on walks every day, but I haven't been because of the heat. I sure wish it would rain.
Here's hoping that I'll stay good.

-hads

3-16

I check my grades online at least twice a day.
Before I head off to school, I have to double-check and make sure that I'm not missing any assignments. I look to see if the score for my math test is posted yet. No? Half an hour later, I'm checking again. I need to know.
I have all A's. I've always had all A's. The few times that I've slipped below that crucial 93%, the world has seemed to end. I found myself crying to my mom about how I'm not good enough. How my friends are prettier, smarter, cooler, more talented, BETTER than I am.
I'm sick today. I woke up with the nastiest headache and sore throat. My mom told me to stay home. She said I'd be OK, that I could easily catch up on anything that I missed. I ended up going to school anyway. I was tired all day and a bit of a grump. I found myself slipping out of focus more often than not, and I'm sure I looked a wreck. I could stay home tomorrow... but I'm too nervous.
Am I obsessed with perfect grades? Sure. Do I work hard enough to earn most of those grades? Sure. Will I continue to keep these exceptional grades? That's what I'm not so sure about.
I'm a constant stress case, BUT I procrastinate too much. If I didn't put everything off, I wouldn't have to stress so much. But doing the work itself stresses me out. It's a crazy cycle-- and I'm not quiiite sure what to do.
I actually really love school. I love learning and being with friends. I get to school half an hour early every day (my poor younger brother) just to be in the environment. I really truly adore it.
Then I remember how insecure I am and how much anxiety school causes me.
It's a battle between loving and hating school.
And it's hard!
But I'm lucky.

-hads

2-22

One month until my birthday. I honestly can't believe that I'll be 15. Only one year until I can get my driver's license and date. Wo-ow, that's insane! It seems like just last year I was turning twelve and trying to figure out friend problems and how to deal with anything and everything. Now I'm nearly fifteen, and I've finally figured some things out for myself.

I have darn good friends. I'm amazed at how good they are to me. They're so kind, and I find myself just feeling so content with them. Last night we had an impromptu hangout at my friend Abby's house. Five of us came, and within 10 seconds of one girl walking in, we were all doubled over laughing. I had attempted to hide behind a pillar to scare Jess, but ended up crab-walking and tipping over. Then Jess threw a piece of licorice at Jakob's eye. They're the weirdest of weirdos, but oh I love them.

School is difficult, that's for sure. But I enjoy it! I like my teachers and the people that I get to see every day. The homework is a bit of a bother, but I don't really mind. Next year will be really hard, though. I'll be a Sophomore and going to high school. I think I'm ready for it, but I sure am nervous. What if I lose all of my friends? What if I fail my classes? What if the boy who I like hates me? I know it's just my anxiety acting up, but I can't help but worry.

There are always those days when I feel like everything goes awry. Overall, however, life is good. I have my momma and my daddy and good--though obnoxious-- siblings. I'm devoted to my religion and it brings me so much joy. Friends are usually good, school is the same old. The sun shines and the flowers are sprouting up.

Smile; life is good.

-hads