Perfection

I'm not perfect.
I don't need to be perfect.
I cannot be perfect.
Because no one is.

I've always had a problem with jealousy. There, I've said it.
I tend to look at someone and automatically wish that I could swap lives with them. Sometimes it's because their friends are so much "cooler" than mine. Maybe because they're prettier, or nicer, or smarter. Once I have these thoughts, I dwell on them.
This isn't a good thing.
When I'm envious of someone else, it makes me put myself down more. I realize all of the little things that I dislike about being me.
Then words run through my head. Words like too quiet, too unattractive, overly whiny, not as smart as I should be, a disappointment... And then, it makes me wish that I could switch lives with someone else.
Dwelling on the negative is so much easier than thinking of the positive. For me at least.
As I was constantly doing this act, I realized that it was seriously affected the way that I looked at myself. My self-esteem was going downhill-- rapidly. So I made it a goal to step away from the envy, and to realize some things that I love about myself.
Because I'm quiet, I don't disrupt classes. As a result of this, teachers like me a lot.
My love of reading.
I try to be the best friend to my friends that I can possibly be.
My sense of style.
My hair.

Let me just say, learning to love yourself makes life a whole lot easier.

In seminary yesterday, we were having a lesson on the Atonement. I, apparently, thought that I knew all that I could know about this particular subject. Oh boy was I wrong.
My teacher described the pain that Christ went through. How utterly unbearable it was. I learned that it was even more awful because Christ, being perfect, had never experienced guilt or trials like this before. He took upon Himself everything that we feel. Every pain, heartache, and sorrow. Then my teacher said something that hit me, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. He said that He felt our insecurities. He felt my insecurity. He took that upon himself, and I feel so grateful for that sacrifice that he suffered. Because I am so insecure. It's a constant struggle. And just the fact that my Savior felt and knows those insecurities... it makes me love Him so much more.

Life is hard. Oh how I know that. But life is easier when you're not tearing yourself, or others, down as you go.
No matter how insecure, how depressed, how anxious you feel... you are you. There is no one else like you in the entire world. In all of existence. And I think that's beautiful.

- hads

12-2

I've realized that I sometimes take my friends for granted. This is a strange thing for someone like me to say, because I went through a 6 or so year period where I had no friends. No real ones, at least. So now that I have so many incredible friends, why don't I appreciate them more? Why don't I let them know how much I love them?

This has been a thought on my mind for awhile now, but I never really acted upon this thought. Today, though, I was browsing Pinterest (a regular pastime for me) when I came across this saying that really pertained to me. It reads:

I always forget
how much people
mean to me, but
every once in awhile
there are those nights
where everything goes
perfectly
and I look around
and see the friends I'm
surrounded by,
and I feel like I wouldn't
replace them for
anything in the whole world.
-A.M.

I read that and it just hit me: I love my friends so much. More than anything. And so, with this on my mind, I proceeded to text a certain few (actually, like 8) of my closest friends. I just let them know that I love them so much, that they're such a blessing to me, and that I'm so grateful for their friendship. It made me feel really good about myself and the life that I'm living.

Friends are such an essential part of my life nowadays and I know that I need to appreciate them more. I often am quite the downer, and I complain a lot. I'd really like to get out of that habit. I feel like it would help me to be a better friend if I were to listen to their conversations and worries, rather than express my own too often.

So that's my goal! I really hope to remember it and be able to accomplish it.

- hads

Welcome to My Humble Abode

Hey there friend!

I'm Hadley, a 14-year-old girl with big ambitions but a knack for procrastinating profusely. I'm not very good at this whole "blogging" thing (I've had about 4 blogs prior to this one and none of them worked out quite how I would've liked), but I will try my best. I enjoy chilly autumnal evenings with a good book and some fuzzy socks.
I'm a big cat person, and I don't really care for dogs much.
I'm a Mormon. I know it, I live it, I love it.
Instagram is my secret addiction.
Oh, and stalking people on Twitter. Yes I have a Twitter, no I have never actually posted anything or followed anyone. I just stalk people from my school. Wooo.
I'm awkward no matter how you're talking to me. Whether it's in person, over text, email, or even online. I will find a way to make it awkward and I will be embarrassed forever.
This is maybe why I don't socialize.
I have some really amazing friends and I maaay talk about them a bit on here.
I listen to a variety of music. From Disney soundtracks, to folk/country, and even heavy metal on occasion.
I believe in individuality in any form. Be yourself.
I read too much.

These are just a few facts about myself.
Hey thanks for reading!!

- hads