Perfection

I'm not perfect.
I don't need to be perfect.
I cannot be perfect.
Because no one is.

I've always had a problem with jealousy. There, I've said it.
I tend to look at someone and automatically wish that I could swap lives with them. Sometimes it's because their friends are so much "cooler" than mine. Maybe because they're prettier, or nicer, or smarter. Once I have these thoughts, I dwell on them.
This isn't a good thing.
When I'm envious of someone else, it makes me put myself down more. I realize all of the little things that I dislike about being me.
Then words run through my head. Words like too quiet, too unattractive, overly whiny, not as smart as I should be, a disappointment... And then, it makes me wish that I could switch lives with someone else.
Dwelling on the negative is so much easier than thinking of the positive. For me at least.
As I was constantly doing this act, I realized that it was seriously affected the way that I looked at myself. My self-esteem was going downhill-- rapidly. So I made it a goal to step away from the envy, and to realize some things that I love about myself.
Because I'm quiet, I don't disrupt classes. As a result of this, teachers like me a lot.
My love of reading.
I try to be the best friend to my friends that I can possibly be.
My sense of style.
My hair.

Let me just say, learning to love yourself makes life a whole lot easier.

In seminary yesterday, we were having a lesson on the Atonement. I, apparently, thought that I knew all that I could know about this particular subject. Oh boy was I wrong.
My teacher described the pain that Christ went through. How utterly unbearable it was. I learned that it was even more awful because Christ, being perfect, had never experienced guilt or trials like this before. He took upon Himself everything that we feel. Every pain, heartache, and sorrow. Then my teacher said something that hit me, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. He said that He felt our insecurities. He felt my insecurity. He took that upon himself, and I feel so grateful for that sacrifice that he suffered. Because I am so insecure. It's a constant struggle. And just the fact that my Savior felt and knows those insecurities... it makes me love Him so much more.

Life is hard. Oh how I know that. But life is easier when you're not tearing yourself, or others, down as you go.
No matter how insecure, how depressed, how anxious you feel... you are you. There is no one else like you in the entire world. In all of existence. And I think that's beautiful.

- hads